Zebra Seeking Spoons

I fear the glimmers

At the same time as I yearn for them

Scant reprieves from the aching in my body and the white noise in my mind

I fear them

For when one finally comes around the bend I know it’s only a matter of time until it slips away

Fleeting

And I am left trudging through the muddy pain and rocky exhaustion I’ve come to anticipate with each passing day

I wish I could catch the moments like fireflies in a jar and keep them on a shelf to use when needed most

When the darkness stretches out for miles and my eyes are bleary and my joints most need oiling

But I can’t control the glimmers

That’s what makes them so wonderful and terrifying

They appear when I least expect them and are gone almost as quickly

And I catalog them in the back of my mind 

Puruse them when I don’t have the energy to act

Remind myself why it’s worth it to open my eyes each day to the same hell I’ve become accostumed to living in

A dry Saharan landscape lacking energy or movement

A humid stillness all that lingers in the air making it hard to breathe

I keep them stored like notes in my pocket I can take out to nourish my soul 

Like the first bite into a ripened apple creates an explosion on the tongue

There will always be a glimmer up ahead

If I’m brave enough to hold out for it